[Ramadhan 2020] A Very Different Start

Bismillah,

Hi everyone, how are you doing? My Muslim brothers and sisters, how are you coping with a very … different Ramadhan this year?

I, for one, is sad. I can’t and won’t lie. It is a very heartbroken start of Ramadhan. We can’t pray in the mosque, we can’t do Iftar together, and we can’t even meet friends and hug them. It is hard and lonely.

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Bagaimana Hidup di Eropa?

Bismillah,

Baru sadar udah bolos lumayan lama dari ngeblog hehe. Situasi di rumah juga lagi agak riweuh sih #carialasan. Tapi beneran – udah beberapa minggu ini anak-anak sakit bergantian, ditambah dengan Suami yang juga sempat kurang sehat. Sepertinya immune system lagi lemah-lemahnya di pergantian musim ini. Semoga semuanya sehat ya 💪🏻

Bingung juga mesti nulis apa minggu ini – jadi mari kita coba ngeblog tentang mitos-mitos hidup di Eropa ✨

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So long 2019 and hello 2020

Bismillah,

Wow this blog has been gathering dust (and eating domain plus hosting fee) without me even bothered to write anything here. Hmm.

To be honest, I have been feeling a little bit down lately. With life, with work, with the balance. Even the thoughts of traveling is not that exciting anymore. I don’t know if this is what you call a mid-life crisis – which is kinda a ridiculous name cause you don’t know exactly how many years you have left to call it a ‘mid-life’ crisis. Anyway.

The thoughts of recapping 2019 is… hard. I was trying to find some positives, but they outweigh the negatives, even when the negatives were smaller in numbers. They were so, so painful that I felt like I had spent the most part of 2019 weeping and even crying in my sleep.

Well, I am not going to dedicate one blog post for sappy things (I will save them for my own private journal), so let’s get things moving with the positives (mostly).

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Finding your root

I always identify myself as Indonesian whenever I introduce myself to my colleagues or new friends here. I never hesitate to tell them what Indonesia is famous for or what should they do when they visit the archipelago. I will tell them proudly that I am wearing batik on October 2nd because it’s a National Batik Day and that it’s on the list of UNESCO’s intangible heritage. Basically, I am a true blue Indonesian.

On the surface.

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{Short Story} Selfish

Sometimes when I say “I’m okay”, I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight, and say, “I know you’re not.”

It was one fine night, but I still couldn’t sleep. I kept flipping right and left on my bed, tried to shake the fear and sadness away, but I just couldn’t.

I glanced towards my cellphone. It was almost 1 am. My whole family was asleep. My sister who shared a room with me had slept since hours ago. She must be really tired after the whole extra classes for her final exams.

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Jakarta 2019

Bismillah,

Secara tidak sengaja judul postnya mirip-mirip judul film yang memunculkan shipper Iqbaal-Vanesha bak jamur wkwk~

Buat yang ngefollow IG saya (ciyee berasa femes) mungkin aware kalau 3 minggu yang lalu saya dan keluarga sedang liburan aka mudik ke Jakarta (Bekasi deng). Anak-anak sedang Sommerferien (trans: liburan musim panas) dan kami sudah 1.5 tahun tidak mudik — jadi ya sekalian saja 🌴

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Family Schedules

Bismillah,

GOOD MORNING FROM JAKARTA!

(yes, I am on mudik mode now, so please excuse a might-be-too-friendly cheery greeting lol)

Anyway, no. Not going to talk about our traveling experience (yet) because it was nothing but tiring. So there — it should sum it up nicely. Let me just write about something that has been sitting in my drafts for God knows how long.

I was struggling to find a good title and decided to just heck it and used whatever title came to my mind first — apologize for a very uninspiring one.

So ever since we settled on our routine after our youngest is done with his Eingewohnung in the KiTa, life has been going on pretty much as per usual. We have a schedule that works with us for most of the day, and we thought it will be beneficial to share!

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All the snuggles in the world

Being a mother of two is tough – and sometimes challenging. Most of my days are spent on being a referee and deciding what words I can say that will make everything’s fair for everyone. Some of those days were easy and smooth-sailing while the others were .. difficult and I needed to calm my head down before even spoke to two of them.

I admit, being the eldest sibling has shaped my expectation towards my own eldest – Z. I expect him to be the one who guided his younger brother. I instill towards him every day, that he’s the older brother, that there are boundaries and lines that he should follow. That no matter what M does, Z must be there to guide him.

I know what a burden it is for him – but I keep pressing on although sometimes it can break my heart.

I had spent countless nights worrying if I spoke too harsh to Z or if there’s anything that I can do to make the situation better for him. To let him know that I still love him the same. To let him know that I love him even more whenever I see him trying to be a better brother for M.

***

Our sleeping arrangement hasn’t changed since M was born. Z sleeps with his Papa and I sleep with M – mainly because M is still nursing to sleep and weaning him has been unsuccessful. I don’t want to wean him by force or trick so there’s that.

Last night, Z was so tired so he was laying on my bed while waiting for his Papa to finish Isya. M was still busy with brushing his teeth so I figured I would snuggle with Z – something that we rarely do these days.

I put a blanket over him and told him, “Do you want to snuggle with Mama?”

Sleepily, he said yes. I reached out for his head and hugged him slowly.

Before drifting to sleep, he asked me in low voice, “Mama, why didn’t we do this sooner?”

And my tears fell down. My boy – my baby.

“Anytime you want a snuggle, you can always ask me, Abang. All the snuggles in the world for you.”

He nodded before finally closing his eyes.

I hoped he knows – not only snuggles that I would give for him. All my love – all my life.

You are the love of my life.

Everything I have and everything I am is yours.

Forever.

– Barney Stinson, HIMYM