{Dream Series} I love you, but

Mia stared at the man standing not too far from her – her eyes were blank. The old man fell silent after he said these words to her.

“I made a mistake letting her go – many years back. I wish I told her how much I loved her and that I was willing to fight to be with her. “

Mia felt her eyes were swarmed with water. It hurt. It hurt so much that she didn’t know how to speak.

Do I want to suffer the same regret?, she asked herself.

“I won’t tell you what you should do,” the old man continued. “But if I could, I don’t want you to feel what I am feeling now.”

Mia blinked. She knew what to do.

She turned her back around and she dashed. To someone that she knew she didn’t want to let go.

***

Liam walked mindlessly at the airport. He had asked Sandy not to send him off – he said it’s fine but the truth is, perhaps he just didn’t want Sandy to know how troubled he was and that he’s afraid that she would know that … he didn’t love her anymore.

Mia.

That little girl suddenly came into his life. And he knew he had loved her from the moment she started smiling and let him in into her world.

From then on, it felt like Mia was his whole world. Everything was beautiful because of Mia. But at the same time, guilt consumed him. He already had Sandy. A pure, kind-hearted Sandy.

He loved Sandy at some point in time. He was sure of it. Who wouldn’t love Sandy? She’s everything you could hope for a girl. Smart, sweet, and funny. 

But she’s not Mia.

People must have thought that he’s crazy – Sandy is perfect, too perfect even. Why would he let his heart turn away from her? And how?

Liam sat down – he couldn’t answer those questions. He spent most of his nights feeling sorry for Sandy, for Mia. Blaming himself for being so clueless about how to control his feelings.

I just needed to get away from these, he thought a few days ago. He cut contact with Mia, he stopped seeing Sandy. He didn’t want to hurt anyone again.

“Liam!”

Liam froze. He couldn’t believe his ears. Was that Mia? 

Then came a hug from behind him. Mia’s voice – shaken because of tears.

“I love you, Liam. Don’t leave me. We can fight this together.”

Liam couldn’t say anything. His heart hurt. It was so painful to think that he’s now bringing Mia to a painful road ahead of them.

“Mia-”

“If you are willing to fight, I am too.”

Mia hug him even tighter. Spectators started to whisper. Few minutes that felt like an eternity passed.

“This is going to be a long road, Mia.”

Mia nodded. She knew that.

Liam held Mia’s hands. Whatever happened after this, he would be with her.

*

Note: I don’t know why I kept getting this kind of dream. Don’t you get tired of waking up feeling heartbroken and empty for the whole day, girl?

Day 3 – Yourself in 10 Years

Bismillah,

This is a hard topic. I honestly don’t like this kind of question cause I don’t exactly know what will happen in the future. But to be fair with this challenge…

First of all, perhaps I should think of which country I would like to be in 10 years.

I have few options: 1) Staying in Germany, 2) Moving to another country, 3) Going back for good

And all of them are .. possible in the future. If we were still staying in Germany in 10 years, my kids will be spending their teenage years here and most probably they will also be going to college here in Germany. Considering how different the education system here with Indonesia or any other countries, it’s only making sense that they are staying here for university. 

If we are moving to another country, we need to do that before the kids are moving upward to the higher tier of the education system here – so they will have more time to adjust with the new system, culture, and perhaps language. 

We might be moving back for good as well – but honestly, this is the least favorable option in my mind, simply because adjusting back to the old system is terrifying (at least for me). Not to mention that the infrastructure and bureaucracy back home are such a mess. 

But we’ll see. For now, I can’t say where I would be in 10 years – anywhere with my family, I guess. 

It Has Been A Year

Today, a year ago, I left Singapore and the life that I had built there for 12 years.

I said goodbye to our helper who is so dear to us and our kids. Hoping that the new family she’s working after us is going to treat her kindly. She deserves that.

I said goodbye to my friends – without whom I would have not survived the grueling hours of the university and its assignments.

I said goodbye to the Indonesian community that always made me feeling like I am home – far away from home.

I said goodbye to the delicious halal food that is a plenty – easily reachable whenever I was bored with homemade food – and all of those hipster foods that I hadn’t had any chance to try.

I left the strong Muslim community I had – the weekly Sunday class with Ustadz Fatris, the chance to perform Ied prayer at open space – all the perks that I took for granted.

I took my boys away from the environment that they know so well – the friends that they have there, the comfortable weather all year, and all

We faced lots of hardships during our first few months here. I had emotional breakdowns – I needed to do so many things in a short time. Adjusting to the new job, new routines as a chef, housewife, and working employee, in a country which I have no idea of how to speak their language. I think I spent my first few weeks wanting to go back to Singapore and just to be done with Berlin.

I was miserable. We were miserable.

The adjustment period gave shocks to our relationship as couple, parents, and family, it tested our patience – but most importantly, it made us even closer to Allah.

Now, after a year, I am glad to say that things have taken a turn to better. The kids are finally adjusted with life in the childcare and more or less having a schedule. Both I and Husband have accepted that things are not going to be as smooth as they were – but there will always be helping hands everywhere.

Forced by the situation, I can finally cook edible (and sometimes good!) Indonesian food at home. I have learned (not mastered it – yet) how to adjust my schedule with the kids’ – long gone the days when I could sleep at 3 am and still could function during working hours.

We take the kids out on weekends to whatever is available around the city – despite not knowing much about the German language. Our eldest speaks German better than us and that’s a good sign since he’s going to primary school in 2 years time where all the lessons will be in German. We are still going to talk to him and his brother in English at home, so hopefully he’s not losing his roots. It will be a challenge to teach them Indonesian though – but for now, as long as they understand the instructions in Indonesian, that’s already enough.

Moving forward – I want to be able to at least speak conversational German. I also want to be able to multitask better without losing focus – that means less time for less important things, including social media. Some aspects of my life need to be fixed and upgraded too, especially when it comes to managing emotions and my quality of prayers.

With the kids, I want to be even more patient with them. I think they can sense when I am angry and while I do think it’s important for them to be able to asses the situation, I don’t want them to associate me with ‘anger’. There must be a way to talk to them and letting them know about the limits and have them obey that. I am still searching for ways to achieve this.

As for my husband, there are times in the past one year that I thought that we were too busy being a parent that we forgot about become a couple. Not sure how we are going to find some quality time with the hectic schedule that we haven’t been able to fully mastered yet – but we are going to take it easy and perhaps will start with watching a movie together haha.

There are still so many things that fill my mind – but I will process them as I go. Here’s for (hopefully) another blessed year in Berlin.

One evening in autumn, 

{Nostalgia} Favorite Mangaka

Aah, manga. Such a big part of me growing up. I will be forever grateful for it cause my childhood was so awesome thanks to anime and manga. Looking back, perhaps I would never have an interest in learning Japanese or Japan itself if it’s not because of liking manga and anime back then.

And of course, I have my favorite manga authors too. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I wasn’t exposed to a variety of mangas back then and I was (still am) pretty conservative too – so I didn’t have a long list to share. Anyway, without further ado, here is my list!

CLAMP

I guess they are on (almost) everyone’s list, cause come on, we are talking about CLAMP here. Magic Knight Rayearth, X, Tokyo Babylon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles – and the list goes on. Anyone who knows CLAMP’s work will instantly recognize their style and the way they tell the story in their pieces. I especially love the subtle message that can be found in most of their creations. Cardcaptor Sakura will forever remain my favorite anime – and even in it, we can find CLAMP’s subtle messages toward shonen-ai and shoujo-ai.

The other way to look at CLAMP’s creation is kinda… messed up. I mean, in what world a primary schooler is in love with her teacher AND the teacher reciprocates her feeling?

CLAMP is also famous for being super secretive even with showing their faces. They have very little interviews where they literally sit down while their pictures were being taken. But I guess this applies to most mangaka artists – the reason could be because they want people to focus on their works instead of their faces.

Recommended works: Cardcaptor Sakura, X, Tokyo Babylon

Hikawa Kyoko

Weirdly enough, I don’t really like Kanata Kara – her most famous work up to date. But! I really like her mini series instead. Her drawings are quite simple for the girls’ characters, but his boys’ characters are off the charts. The lead guy is always pictured as tall, small eyes (even close to squinted eyes), with a very pointed jawline. The girl, on the other side, more often than not, is clumsy but adorable.

What I like the most from her works is actually the simple storyline. There’s nothing fancy going on and mostly it’s about girl and boy meeting each other and somehow attracted to each other despite being in different leagues. It’s really your classic love story – one that you can easily found in any romantic manga. But Hikawa-sensei has a different way to incorporate subtle messages into her simple story (you might notice now that I am such a fan of hidden messages) and that makes her stories even more memorable.

And although her characters are quite predictable, her drawings are clean. She positioned everything in her manga appropriately – not too crowded and leaves plenty of white spaces so our eyes as the readers are not too tired. And that’s another skill!

Recommended works: Girls, Mr.Friday, Chizumi & Fujiomi series

Tachikawa Megumi

This might be an unusual choice considering Tachikawa Megumi’s work is not that known and not that many either (at least the ones that are translated in Indonesia) – but the ones that I know are good and just exactly my taste – sweet with not overly saccharine (is that even a word?)

Recommended works: Kaitou Saint Tail, Dream Saga

Fujiko F Fujio

It would be a sin to not include Fujiko F Fujio in this list. My generation grew up with Doraemon and friends – so him being in the list is a no-brainer. What’s great about his creations is that it’s just so pure (well, perhaps some are not *cough*Esper Mami*cough*) and it’s kinda out of there. When we were still in the 19th century, Fujiko F Fujio had traveled way beyond it. Thanks to Doraemon, perhaps there are kids that were inspired to be scientist or inventors.

As for me, Doraemon was such a big part of me growing up. My first manga was Doraemon vol 6. I didn’t know what manga was back then – all I knew was that I love Doraemon – he’s the most adorable cat mutant in the whole world.

Recommended works: Too many to list!

Ueda Masashi

Sometimes I wonder how on earth Ueda Masashi never seems to run out of the ideas for both Kobo-chan and Kariage-kun. Both are 4-strips comic and have so many volumes! I have stopped reading Kobo-chan and Kariage-kun years ago – but I have a very fond memory of both series. It’s light with a touch of silliness (I still don’t know if Kariage is just plain naive or just a prankster).

Recommended works: Kobo-chan, Kariage-kun

Gosho Aoyama

If there’s any poll for the

Recommended works: Meitantei Conan (Case Closed)

Meitantei Conan

Katou Motohiro

Recommended works: Q.E.D, C.M.B

Day 2 – Your current relationship

Bismillah,

Continuing on my 30-days blog challenge, I am moving to the second-day story. Relationship.

Oh well, I am currently married – and I hope to stay that way even until Jannah 🙂 I have been married for 6 years now. And Husband is my high school sweetheart. We met back when we were only junior high schooler. He was my senior. A super smart senior who once got a perfect score for Math national exam.

We dated for almost 9 years before we got married back in 2012. We graduated from the same junior high and senior high – and even university. Some people questioned if I followed him since young and that made me sound like a stalker haha. In all honesty though, he did have some influence with me choosing my university and my major. Not to mention that his support helped me a lot. But I do like my major so I guess everything fell into the right places.

I also have two kids – Z who is 4 years old and M, a two-year-old ball of energy. Every day most of my exhaustion is because of them – but I am not complaining (often). Would not trade it for anything.

So to sum it up, I am a housewife, an engineer, and a mother. I am still struggling with multitasking all of them, but I am getting better.

See you on day 3!

 

Day 1 – About You

Bismillah,

Entah gimana ceritanya – saya bisa nyasar ke blognya mbak Sali. Kayaknya kemaren cuma random ngeklik blog orang di fungsi readernya WordPress sih.

Dan setelah browsing-browsing beberapa artikelnya, mendaratlah saya di postingan beliau tentang 30-Day Blog Challenge.

30-day-blog-challenge

Wah, menarik. Kebetulan lagi kehabisan ide buat ngeblog haha. Tapi gaklah, saya kayaknya ga akan sanggup one day one post (uhuk, Reisha, uhuk), mungkin ga akan bener-bener 30 day straight ngerjain challenge ini. Mungkin juga diselang seling postingan yang lain. Let’s see how it goes :p.

For day 1, it’s about yourself and the most recent photo of yours.

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Setelah 12 Tahun

Bismillah,

Jadi beberapa hari yang lalu ada yang woro-woro di whatsapp grup #1minggu1cerita kalau tanggal 27 Oktober ini adalah hari blogger nasional. Whoo.

Saya ga ngerasa pantas sih dibilang blogger karena isi blog ini kebanyakan ngalor ngidul plus recehan-recehan yang bisa sambil dibawa lalu aja, haha. Tapi mau ga mau jadi kepikiran, sudah berapa tahun ya saya mulai nulis online diary ini? Apa bedanya ya waktu saya pertama kali mulai nulis blog dengan sekarang? Tulisan-tulisan saya sih masih tetap recehan, tapi paling ngga, ada ga ya yang menuju arah yang lebih baik? #ciyeee

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Why you should move to Berlin

Bismillah,

Mudah-mudahan belum ada yang bosen sama cerita kami dari Berlin ini, hehehe.

Setelah sebelumnya ngobrol kenapa ga usah pindah ke Berlin (super encouraging ya, hahaha), untuk penyeimbang nya ya tentu saja mesti ada pros list nya dong ya. Setelah brainstorming dengan Suami, inilah penyemangat kami (dan mungkin orang lain) buat pindah ke Berlin.

Baca juga: Why you should not move to Berlin

Disclaimer: ini tentunya merujuk ke kondisi keluarga kami yang: Muslim, punya dua anak batita, dan orang tua yang dua-duanya bekerja. Jadi belum tentu juga applicable buat orang lain ya 🙂
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Setelah Demam

Bismillah,

Ga terasa udah sebulan lebih ga nulis disini ya. Ya ampun. Drafts sih masih banyak tapi motivasi buat nulis somehow menguap begitu gampang bilang aja males sih Fan.

Anyway, sebenarnya beberapa minggu lalu saya udah ada draft tulisan yang siap buat di publish, tinggal di polish sedikit sama tambahin featured image, tapi qadarullah, pas minggu itu saya malah tumbang karena demam 3 hari. Suhu badan saya naik turun 39-40 – lumayan miserable sampai-sampai Suami saya bilang baru sekali ini beliau lihat saya sesakit itu selama 6 tahun nikah :’D
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